Last Mother’s Day

last-mothers-day

Just writing the title of this post, tears stream down my cheeks. I remember the gut wrenching feeling of knowing that one of my children’s hearts had stopped beating who was supposed to be growing inside of me. It was Mother’s Day weekend 2016, and the ER doctor had just delivered us the news that even he didn’t want to say aloud. We lost our baby. He tried to give us hope by telling us maybe I was earlier along than I thought, but I knew there was no chance of that. We had just moved to the Carolinas two weeks before this, and the next day we were going to try out a church with our only friends we had made since moving. I kept saying I couldn’t go. I didn’t want to. I wanted to curl up in bed and not have to fight back my tears. I didn’t want to meet new people. I didn’t want to worship when I felt that I had been promised something and then the promise was taken back. I wanted to punch something, yell at someone…not put on a pretty dress, sing nice songs, and celebrate motherhood. Yes, I felt so blessed to have Hallen, but I also felt so empty and broken. (You can read my miscarriage story here.)

But, my husband talked some sense into me (looking back, I can say that. At the time, I was so mad that he still asked me to go), and we attended our soon to be church home for the first time. One of the songs played that morning was, Do It Again. As I sung the lyrics, felt the Holy Spirit, and worshipped, I knew He’d move the mountains again. We had prayed two years for Hallen before we got pregnant with her. I knew God was capable of giving us another child.

Walking around these walls
I thought by now they’d fall
But You have never failed me yet
Waiting for change to come
Knowing the battle’s won
For You have never failed me yet
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet
I know the night won’t last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus You’re still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet
I’ve seen You move, You move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

Those lyrics will forever have a tender spot in my heart. This ring from Life’s Journey Jewelry Creations (use code DEARNOVEMBERDAYS) has put all of those words and more into a small oval shaped ring. Although, I may never have that baby (and oh how I ache to still hold her and kiss her tiny nose), I can be reminded of the short time we had with her and the tender newborn moments with my two girls who I get to squeeze every day.

 

This gorgeous ring has my breast milk from Hazel, little pieces of Hallen’s umbilical cord that we had saved, and purple iridescent sparkles to represent our angel baby. I chose purple, because it’s actually the color of Hazel’s birthstone, and since that baby left us, we were able to meet Miss Hazel. I also chose it, because that color used to signify royalty. Jesus wore a purple robe, and I imagine Him still with that purple robe while He rocks her to sleep every night. She now lives among Royalty. All of this is in a beautiful rose gold vintage setting. I couldn’t have asked for anything more for Mother’s Day…for pieces of all of my babies in one sweet place.

 

How lucky am I to be a mother? I feel so blessed to have two little munchkins on my hip. I know this day is painful for so many. I know, because I was there just last year. I was there before Hallen came into our life as well. And I’m praying so hard for those who are crying today, because their womb no longer holds a child they wanted so badly to meet. I’m praying for those who haven’t gotten to experience those jabs from little feet and hands. I’ve felt your pain, and I wish so badly that I could take it away from you. I hope your time will come that you get to nurse your sweet child, and then bottle it all up in one of these rings to cherish those fleeting moments.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms, dog moms, future moms, “mothers” to students, “mothers” to a child you mentor, and mothers who have experienced a loss and aren’t yet holding a babe. You’re all mothers. You are so loved. And thank you for doing what you do.

Use code DEARNOVEMBERDAYS for your own special piece of jewelry at Life’s Journey Jewelry Creations.

 

 

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Hazel’s Leo// Shirt//Skirt (similar)//Shoes

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17 Comments

  1. STUART BRAZELL

    Happy Mother’s day darling thank you for your strength and honesty and for sharing your story

    14 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thank you! 😘

      16 . 05 . 2017
  2. Pentené

    Your Story is beautiful. I love your strength and your strong faith. God makes NO mistakes. Blessings to you and your family.

    Xoxo
    http://WWW.STYLEMEFANCY.Com

    15 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Nope! Never makes mistakes. Definitely hard to see that sometimes , living in a broken world though. Thanks for the encouragement 😘

      16 . 05 . 2017
  3. Nina nguyen

    You are so inspiring doll! Happy mother’s day!!
    Xo Nina

    http://www.ninalnguyen.com/2017/05/preparing-for-europe.html?m=1

    15 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thank you!

      16 . 05 . 2017
  4. karissa

    what a touching story! i have a couple friends who experienced miscarriages and they were devastated. but god gave tvdm both babies the following year! we can all learn from your strength and willingness to trust god no matter the curcumstances!

    15 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Trusting God in those sort of circumstances is always so difficult! Somehow, He always has a plan though. Thanks for reading 😘❤️

      16 . 05 . 2017
  5. belu

    Lovely! you and your baby are adorable! love every single picture! you are a wonderful mom

    16 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thank you so much !

      16 . 05 . 2017
  6. Jennifer Savvygreystyles

    I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing this story. You are an in and an AMAZING mother. I love that ring and importance behind it.

    16 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thanks, friend! I’ll forever cherish this ring!

      16 . 05 . 2017
  7. ReBeca

    aww! Hallen and hAZel has to be the cutest sisters!❤️ Sapphire is sending lots Of lOve😘

    16 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thank you ! 💗

      16 . 05 . 2017
  8. Helena Marz

    That was a very beautiful blog post and very inspiring! I admire you for your strong faith in God. This child is a blessing and you sound like a wOnderful mother❤️ Xoxo

    16 . 05 . 2017
    • Kristina

      Thank you so much ❤️

      16 . 05 . 2017
  9. Debbie Savage

    Kristina! Goodness, i can’t even type. my heart is aching for you. you are even more beautiful to me. thank you so much for sharing this tender and sacred part of you! happy mother’s day to you! you are a strength to so many!
    xo Debbie | http://www.tothineownstylebetrue.com

    16 . 05 . 2017

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