The Mother I Aspire To Be
Since the month of May has the day we celebrate all types of mothers, I figured I’d keep the “mom” theme going.
What has your mother, or one of your role model’s who’s been like a mother, instilled in you? Were you taught to shoot for the stars, to never stop dreaming, treat others as you would treat yourself, always be kind and respectful? One thing that I’ve always wanted to be as a mother is to be more patient, selfless, a teacher to my kids. I think we all have those days where we, as moms, feel like we just don’t measure up to what we think we should be doing. I have SO many days like that. I sit Hallen in front of a show so I can be “productive” as the household manager. And then, I wince a little bit as I think about what I’m doing. No, I don’t think TV is inherently bad, but I know that mothers in the past didn’t have a TV to plop kids in front of. I could slow down what I’m doing and let Hallen help me put clothes in the dryer or unload some silverware and plastic dishes. I know she loves to do those kinds of things!
But, at the end of the day, I have to tell myself, “I’m doing my best, and tomorrow is a fresh start!” A friend showed me this video, and it really put things into perspective. Of course, I shed giant crocodile tears, because I’m a crier. Like…the smallest things make me cry, and if you start crying, there is absolutely no stopping my tear ducts from opening! I used to hate being the crier in the crowd, but now that I know it’s my norm, I just carry a couple tissues in my purse!
I remember growing up that my mom would cry almost every morning when she read us a story from “Chicken Soup for the Soul” before school. I kind of wanted to hide in a corner, because I thought it was weird my mom was crying. I guess I wasn’t good handling other people’s emotions back then, but now, I understand why she cried at every single story! Those stories are so sad and tender! And you know what..I want to be that mom. I aspire to let all those feelings out and not stuff them in…even if they come out in the shape of tears every single time. I knew my mom was a caring, loving, and selfless woman because of those tears. I hope Hallen and Hazel will be able to see past my tear stained cheeks when I’m crying for them over bad decisions they’ve made, long nights, or joyous occasions! I hope that they can see someone who truly cares for them and would give their life for theirs. I want them to see those tears as me carrying their burdens for them, so they know they aren’t alone when scary days come or anxieties come knocking on their doors. They have to know that I’m their biggest cheerleader, and will be there whether they’re flying or falling. If they don’t grasp that fact, I’ll feel like I failed.
My failure won’t come from sitting them in front of the TV a couple days a week to get a few extra chores done around the house. It’ll come from me not noticing them in the big and small things. I pray that I’m able to keep my eyes and ears open for their small voices and the words that they aren’t saying, but they really just need a hug and shoulder to cry on. I’m terrified of missing something that leads to the bigger picture. I pray that I become more and more selfless as my days of being a mother go on, so that I can give them what they truly need. I don’t want to lose them to the crowd, because I didn’t have time to sit down and talk with them about something that was on their mind. I hope that they’ll want to come to myself or Kevin with questions first. I hope to raise daughters (and maybe one day sons) who take pride in who they are and love themselves for what they’ve become.
I’ve had so many great mother figures in my life to guide me in the right direction and turn me back around when I’ve started to stray down the wrong path. My mother being at the top of that list, but also my grandmothers, my godmother, and my therapist! They all gave me advice, prayed for me until their tears ran dry and knees hurt from kneeling, and hugged me when I just needed a hug. There are little pieces from all of them in my parenting today, and I aspire to be a little like each of them while also finding my own two feet on this journey called motherhood. I’m in this “business” to raise strong women whether they want to be a vet, a CEO, or a stay at home mom. I want them to feel valued so that they can also pour themselves into others. I want them to know, it’s not who you know, what you wear, or which side of the political fence you’re on…just be true to yourself and the purpose that you were created for. And laugh a lot…even if tears stream down your cheeks. Laugh.
*These beautiful mommy and me dresses and bib were gifted from Cleobella’s & Cleobella Littles.