Why Can’t My Mustache Fall Out?
The postpartum shed has started. Y’all… this is the worst part of “recovery” for me. It happened at the exact same time with Hallen too. So, I’m hoping it’ll stop at 6 months as well. I feel like my hairline recedes five inches. Why does pregnancy come with such terrible side effects? In my head, I think it should make you more beautiful. Like…if my hair is going to fall out, why can’t my mustache hair fall out instead? That’s the hair I really don’t want! Or the unruly eyebrow hairs..or my leg hair?! How amazing would that be? Or instead of giving you wrinkles and dark circles, pregnancy would smooth your skin out and make your eyes have that certain glow to them. I can think of so many things. When I start to dwell on the negative aspects, though, I really start to go down this dark tunnel of “it’s not fairs” and ” why couldn’t it happen to him instead?” and “I hate this!”
So, I have to take a step back and remind myself that life isn’t about looks or feels or even being fair! Beauty is fleeting, and the after effects of pregnancy remind me even more so of that. Why am I sad that my hair is falling out? I mean, it’s going to grow back in a few months. It’s because, in my head, it’s part of my identity as a woman. It’s what makes up my looks, and I don’t want to look like I’m balding. But, aren’t I worth more than my looks? Of course I am! And this is what it the shedding reminds me of when I really sit down and talk to myself about how I’m feeling. It reminds me that I was lucky enough to carry and give life to two beautiful babies, and my husband can never do that. Maybe he thinks that’s not fair. Life isn’t about being fair. We all have different roles and attributes and even outside characteristics that make us unique, and that we should thank the Lord for!
And I’m still working on this everyday…just a natural “being thankful” in the midst of what’s going on. Living every day like it’s a Sunday. Sundays have always been the days where I’m most patient, calm, and rested. It’s when I really “feel all the feels.” I’m with my family. It’s a slow day, filled with church, a lunch out, the kids playing at the fountains, or just a lazy day at home. So, I need to try and wake up every day, and just tell myself to live like it’s Sunday, because I have a tendency to have a negative voice when something starts happening to me…especially when I’m tired or it’s been a long week. I start to just act mad all the time. I can put up a front with my friends, but then when it’s just me and Kevin, I change. I become resentful and I blame. It’s such a vicious cycle. Postpartum is so much more than just tending to a new baby. Everyone should have a scheduled therapy session or something. Maybe just like premarital counseling, there should be pre-baby counseling. Even postpartum counseling! Kevin looked at me yesterday, while the girls were sleeping, and said, ” I just want you back.” Well…me too. Me too. I miss my spontaneous self. I miss being not anxious 24/7. And most of all, I miss my pre baby sleep SO much that sometimes I consider just going to a hotel myself for one night. Even just 12 hours.
I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer in this post. I’m just keeping it real. This is life right now. We’re learning how to be parents together (which I still think is easier than the first year of marriage). So maybe this is really a goal setting post about my marriage, how to mother better, or just life circumstances. Just needed to get it off my chest and let you know that I definitely don’t have it all together. I need to learn how to get past being always tired and letting that manifest itself into a bitter spirit. I need to make our marriage more of a priority, and treat Kevin like the knight in shining armor he is, because y’all, he really is the best hubby I could ever ask for. I need to stop thinking that life just needs to be fair and give me a break, because I have so much to be thankful for! And I still need to get a wax, because this mustache isn’t going anywhere, unfortunately.
Tank is from Reagan Twenty Five