Unplanned Plans

I feel like being so connected to social media, makes me want spring even more! Don’t you? And in the south, one day it’s 80 and the next is snowing. True story. Happened this week. And I feel like with the impending spring season, our life is just getting more and more hectic. I sat down to look at my calendar today, and I have something to do literally every single day. One of them may be a hair appointment (which is actually super relaxing), but just seeing a full calendar stresses me the heck out! Dinners with friends turn into “OH MY GOSH! HOW AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO COOK FOR PEOPLE, CLEAN MY HOUSE, DRESS THE CHILDREN, PUT ON CONCEALER,  GO TO THE BATHROOM, AND STILL ENTERTAIN?!”  My thoughts may get a little dramatic at times, but you know…one rabbit hole leads to another. All of a sudden, my head and my house are a hot mess, because I’m constantly jumping from one project to the next.

So, for a little head clearing activity this week, I took the girls to see the peach blossoms a couple times (once solo and another with other family friends…we ended up swapping pics and then editing our own! Strange, but fun experience, and a totally different story!). They’re gorgeous! They remind me of all the cherry trees up in the DC area in spring.

I just wanted the girls to run around and breathe some fresh air in…take in all the signs of the change of seasons. Sometimes I feel like we get sucked into the here and now, and then our mind just gets stuck on what’s happening to us. I begin to feel trapped when my calendar has no more availability. I begin to feel trapped when there are so many to dos on my checklist. I begin to feel trapped when there’s no unplanned time…and I’M A PLANNER! But sometimes, I just need moments for life to happen as it happens. The older I become, the more I see in myself that I get more agitated the more planned my months become. I become more on edge when I know I’m not going to be breathing for another three weeks…on that day when I can finally sit down and just watch a TV show. On the day when I can finally clean up or do some dishes. On the day when I can go on an outing with my family. Yes, there is SO much value in planning, but there’s almost more value in having a planned unplanned day amidst the plans, and saying no to some plans…albeit fun plans with great friends, so that you can relish in the here and now. The day of no agenda. The day that maybe naps get skipped or the day for extra long naps so you can pick up a book instead of the phone.

This post is all spoken straight towards me. I’m the person that adds all the events to my calendar. I’m the one that says yes to everything. Just when I had told people I started learning to say “no,” my calendar fills up to the brim. It’s kind of ironic. I don’t think I learned to say “no” correctly yet. I’m so afraid of hurting someone else…I’m WAY over sensitive of hurting someone else…that it turns around and starts to hurts my life, my soul, my psyche. I love my plans in the moment that they’re happening, but then I start to snap when I haven’t had a moment to breathe during the day or a moment to work on my projects or straighten the house. I’m the one creating so much work for myself…so many  things to do for myself. So, there’s really no one to blame but me, but then I take it out on others. Who ever crosses my path first. They get it. I yell a little too quickly. I don’t compromise. I leave the conversation emotionally.

Our pastor spoke of this today…becoming numb. When my plans are too many, I become numb. I may look happy on the outside. I can put on a show. One of my professions is in social media. I can put on a show if I have to, right? Now, I don’t like to. It’s not where I flourish. And it feels like a straight up lie, but sometimes it’s easier to be numb and go along with my 10,000 calendar events than to say, “no…I love ya, but I need to sit this one out and just paint with my own kids in the back yard today.” And every one of you moms reading this would be totally fine with that answer! I know it logically, but sometimes my logic and my feelings can’t connect, because I’m so worried about worldly things or relationships breaking. All because of one tiny no. Logically, I know that’s not going to happen. Logically, I know there will be another play date. Logically, I know I’ll still be invited over again. Logically, I know that you aren’t going to go cry in your closet for days on end because I couldn’t come to your house for a two hour play date. Logically, we’re still best friends. But guys, that’s so hard for me. My mind is racing just typing all of this out, because I know it may sound silly and easy to say no for some of you. And I want you to be free from the pressures of having a full calendar. I want you to soak up sweet times with your babies and your family or just a quiet day by yourself on the couch. I want you to learn to say no. I want to learn to say no.

I want to learn to say no for our family. If that means no more play dates for a month, it is what it is. Our family of four comes first. The sanity of our family comes first. If it means calling some people or texting them to say I need to cancel our plans so I can breathe, I’ll do it. I’m scared, but I’ll do it. My two girls and hubby mean so much to me, and they need the best, most patient version of me.

Maybe it has something to do with Easter season being upon us right now as well. It just reminds you of the grace that was extended to  you and me long before we were even a thought in this world. And really, nothing else really matters. I’m a blogger. I’m a photographer. I sell Beautycounter. I’m a mother. I’m a wife. I’m a homemaker. But really…really all that counts is that I’m a child of God. My titles don’t matter! It doesn’t matter if I have one event on my calendar this month or 58…I’m still important. I’m still known by the Creator! I’m worth more than rubies. It doesn’t matter if I have 25 likes on a photo or 25,000. And I’ll be honest…being a blogger makes me compare myself to other bloggers. How come they get so many likes and I don’t? How can I break the algorithm and meet all the demands of the strenuous upkeep of a social media account when I have to also be the best mom I can be?! Some of you make it look so easy and flawless. The white kitchen. The 2.5 kids. The adorably fluffy dog. The great outfits. The most amazing vacations. But we’re all different. We all have different attributes and qualities. I can’t do it all. There. I said it! BUT I’m still loved by the One and Only. And that’s all that really matters. Just that one little double tap by the Lord Almighty himself. He knows all my shortcomings and failures. He doesn’t want a silly calendar that was invented by human beings to be a stressor! Typing that out just seems silly in the grand scheme of things. I don’t want to enter through the gates of Heaven one day saying, “Man. I wish I could have just chilled out. That dang calendar kept me from so much joy!”

I got on the computer today not knowing what was going to flow out of my fingers. I have felt void of words for the past few weeks, and honestly, I think it’s because I was going numb. I had so many things to do, and not enough time to just sit and think. When I did have a moment to sit, I didn’t want to have to use my brain! I know a lot of you can relate. So, with all of this being said…I want to challenge you to plan an unplanned day. Maybe put it on the calendar…maybe don’t. And just do whatever happens. Whatever you concoct that morning. But make it a day filled with belly laughs and extra hugs. Make it a day filled with things you normally wouldn’t do…eat that burger or ice cream…wear your fancy dress…take a day trip…spend all day in bed watching movies…go volunteer…whatever it is your soul needs that day. Do it.

We had one of those planned unplanned days just yesterday. I’ll update you tomorrow with our day trip to Charleston. It was just what we needed! Let me know what you “unplan” to do in the next few weeks.

Hallen and Hazel’s floral crowns: Sweet Pea and Peanut

Hazel’s onesie: Charlotte and Ezra

Socks: Living Royal (use code KRISTINAWILLIAMS20)

Bags: Fawn Design

Hallen’s Skort: Little Nugget Knits